Results & Bros

So well, it's been three glorious months. Three months and some weeks to be precise. I still remember the sheer relief on our faces as we got out of the examination halls. Our papers, as always, were bad. We fervently prayed to all the possible "Gods" to help us pass and diligently wished the University would forget to correct our papers or at the very least, misplace them. And eerily, seems like our prayers worked! All of them! (except the passing part). 3 and half months post exams and we're still gazing at the horizon for news of results like Aamir Khan staring at the sky in his rain parched village. Well he atleast got some faux dark clouds and had a belle dame to dance with... All we poor souls are managing by are lazy, nose-digging officials and irritated aunties at the university who've sworn to slam the phones down in the middle of a conversation, i.e. if they move their fat arms to answer it in the first place.

Of course, when such very regular events occur, they are sure to be supported by very easily acceptable rumors and stories. Our ears were conveniently supplied with a fair share of these. The first was MU has misplaced all our papers. Now, a common man might gawk and gape at such exaggerated statements but we MU students know only how true it can be. Probably some poor absent minded professor thought the papers lying on the floor are copies of ancient historic tabloids and so, in a bid to reduce the peon's burden, he gladly sold them off to the nearestraddiwala and carried along drinking chai and bickering with his wife in the now relatively empty room. Possible. Very possible. The second rumor to cross our auditory sensor was our results wouldn't be declared before September as the professors do not have time to correct the heaps of answer sheets. Now this was as unbelievable as news of Nile completely drying up. I mean if we students can manage to cram every line of the million-odd pages in just 6 months and remember it perfectly during the three hour hiatus termed exam, can't a battalion of the supposedly wise and well-read professors correct our 1000 odd words in 4 months?! As one of my school teachers said, “Shame on their part.” Our sources say the University people are just plain bored and find the process of going through hundreds of handwriting for the same essential text completely worthless. Agreed to a point, but then do they get paid 60k a month for digging their noses? And if they so detest illegible scrawls, why don't they join the corporate world where the only battle is among Calibri, Arial and Times New Roman - which can be interchanged mind you!

As the budding citizens of India languish their days eating bhutta and cursing every authority in general, the authorities dream of making Mumbai a Shanghai. *SNORT* Honestly, can you imagine a Shanghai where students are attending lectures for the next academic year without knowing if they passed in the previous exams? Or where they reach their classes at 10 am and are told to return home as the professor won't come today coz s/he has "very important work"? Do the educational institutions in Shanghai resemble ancient relic structures which might scare away ghosts and so far have only served the purpose of helping lovers go gutur-gutur in all the dense jhaadi ke piches and add to the already teeming population of India? The concept of 'Distance Education' where students are preferred only at a distance farrr from the university is no doubt confined to India.

I fear I might be labeled a cry-baby, but I can't stop cribbing. What have we done to deserve this? I thank my stars I have a career, something to occupy my days and stop my mind from drifting to the ga-ga lands all day. But what about my poor classmates? What about the poor mortals who wasted a year, a large amount of money and loads of paper and energy as they applied to a multitude of universities outside India, got accepted by a few and then could not go just because the lazy university officials cannot function and are ignorant of the term T-I-M-E? What about the interns who's internship ended and they cannot extend it fearful of the results suddenly arriving and lectures commencing? Well Anna sure is fighting corruption and sending jitters down the spines of the babus, but will that help the education system? Not even paying bribes can make the authorities work. Period. There should probably be a law against laziness. Or a law against officials. And these very professors complain the students do not revere them as Pandavas probably revered Drona. But they forget that when Drona was wrong, it was the same Pandavas who, in crude terms, murdered him.

No, I am not suggesting we take up batons and guns and follow the moderators and exam controllers. And no, I'd never do that (I don't want police banging my door and meeting a sorry end like the gang in RDB, Thank-you). All I want is that one scrap of paper that the raddiwala won't give me 25Ps for but, if things are to be believed, corporates will queue themselves outside my home and offer me absurd sums of money just because I possess that one scrap. I want that scrap! I slogged day and night (Well just the 2 nights)! I learned by rote absurd names from India to Ireland to Scotland and all the other un-pronounceable lands! High time my efforts were appreciated. I WANT RESULTS!!!

Well, earth to me again. Amidst rumors and very justified allegations, we were, are and by the looks of it, will forever be awaiting results!